Well what can I say ? Happy new year ? I woke up this morning after drinking far too much yesterday in better shape than I should have. I slept badly and had a bad dream about losing things of value and was sobbing again. My husband was up already having walked the dog and gone to Sainsbury's to get some food.
I tried to spend the day doing bits and bobs but am seeing the boxes piling up in the hallway - it is breaking my heart :-(
I planted some bulbs that my daughter and I won at raffles last year. They are due to bloom in April - I wonder how I will feel when they come out ?
I had previously said that I want to give 'her' a piece of my mind but my husband didn't want me to meet with her. So I've penned how I feel to send to her. Then he mentions to me that apparently a mutual friend is going to ask us all to his birthday party in March and that if we are going to meet we need to have done it before that! What a cheek her trying to dictate what I do !!!!!!! I said no I'll do it on my own terms and when I want. They don't want a scene at the party..... I don't think I could go to a party and see them together I would just end up crying the whole time or I will make that scene and that is not fair on the friend.
What do I do ? Do I send something to her now telling her what I feel and what I think she has done - try and meet up or just leave it ?
Another friend suggested I should forgive and move on...... I've forgiven my husband but her - I don't think I can ever forgive her - sorry for being so bitter but she has destroyed me....
I watched part of the new years eve concert from Vienna on TV and that set me off crying again - I don't know why - maybe bringing back childhood memories when life was simpler and I felt loved. I miss my mum and dad :-( I now have a big gap in my life and it will never be filled again unless he comes back to me.
I am so grateful for caring friends and family - only they will help me through this.
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