Its been a week

Its been a week now since he left. Do I feel any better ? Yes and No. Not having him around all the time helps especially if I am busy, but there are many times when I find my mind wandering going over and over the same things. Things he has said, what I could have done differently, will he come back, what is my life going to be like, I feel lonely and so on. Even with my daughters and all my wonderful friends who have been so caring, I feel empty and lonely inside.

Its a different kind of lonely - one where you have lost your soulmate, the person you talk to about anything and everything and whilst my friends I am sure would be happy for me to talk to them, they have their own lives to live and can't possibly be there every minute of the day for me. Also I am not very good at asking for help - don't know why - just always tried to manage myself - I don't like to bother people.

One of my friends her just had a major op, so she will need some tlc until she is better.

My husband brought me some of my favourite bread and gave it to me last night. That was hard. I'm not really a bread eater but I do like a nice rye bread (takes me back to my childhood).

This morning whilst driving to work I suddenly noticed his car was in front of me and this hand was waving. It took me a while to realise that it was him - I noticed the number plate first and it took a few seconds to sink in. I don't know at what point that happened at but it wasn't too far from my house and quite a way from where he is living now. He may have been driving somewhere to walk the dog. Anyhow that set me off and I cried the rest of the way to work. I must have looked a state when I went in :-( No one ever says anything !

One of the guys at work asked me how I was and said he couldn't imagine how it felt and that he was there if I wanted to talk. I just said he should continue to be himself - a cheery chappie - as that helped me during the working day.

A US colleague whom I told in December, sent me a letter in the internal post. As I was out on holiday over Christmas I have only just got it. In fact I found it amongst my post and didn't want to open it at work. I've read it and as well as offering her support she being a commited Christian kindly wrote a prayer for me (and him). That set me off - how kind of her. Not long after I read that the Vicar from Church called to see how I was.......

I'm still not sleeping well. Its odd in an empty house and with no one in the bed with me (man or dog!). I wake up often in the night and my sleep is not what I would call good sleep. And then in the morning my jaw hurts - I think I must be clenching it in my sleep. I so need a lie in.

My daughter and I went shopping after work today - we wandered around Tesco together and bought hopefully things we will eat. It was nice shopping together, but its not something I want to do regularly - I think online shopping it will be again.

Anyhow I'm going to try and have a slightly earlier night tonight - and I have my daughter sleeping here tonight :-) Tomorrow we have the first night of the show and I'll be visiting my friend in hospital between work and going to the theatre - so it'll be a busy day.