Despite being really really tired I am not getting a good nights sleep and seem to always wake up with gammy or puffy eyes. I woke up far earlier than I wanted to this morning even though I could have had a lie in. Something really spooky happened though - I keep my ipod beside my bed and not long after I woke up it started playing on its own - it played 'Feeling Good' my new signature tune - and just that, nothing else. How weird is that ?
My daughter went back to uni today. She cried a little as she hugged me to leave. Its the first time I've seen her cry during all this. She was going back to celebrate a friends 21st birthday - I hope she has a good time and can enjoy it. My other daughter is in Cardiff for the weekend with her boyfriend. She has texted me a couple of times to check I am ok.
I spent the afternoon in a meeting to start planning the next show that we will be working on. One of the team whom I hadn't seen in a while was so supportive when she found out. She sat talking to me for an hour (or possibly more I wasn't looking!) she let me talk and shared some of her own personal experiences. I found it so helpful.
This evening I worked behaind the bar at the party I was invited to. I found it easier to do that than 'party'. As many of the theastre group whom we haven't seen for a while were there, I had many many people come up and give me hugs and support. I really really didn't realise how much people care. One perosn was very upset she said she saw my husband and me almost like the mother and father of the group and felt a loss.
Only had five texts today......he wanted to know where I was today so I couldn't see him - I just said out....
How am I feeling now ? Very sad, a little lonely when in the house, less anger but still hate 'her', real disappointment with my husband, worried about what will happen next. I really need to take each day as it comes for the moment and not make too many plans.
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