I had another bad night. I was sitting in bed last night and listening to some music especially 'Papa can you hear me' when it hit me again that he had gone. I sobbed and sobbed. I ended up going to sleep very late and I didn't sleep well - I guess a mix of that plus knowing I had to go into school in the morning to do something I really wasn't looking forward to. I looked like death warmed up when I got up in the morning.
I ended up having an unpleasant morning but a reasonable afternoon at work. A colleague at work whom I don't really know that well came to me this morning and put a pot plant on my desk. I asked what it was for and she just smiled and walked off. How nice was that !! I didn't leave till late and I am quite behind now because of the tiredness and having to manage all these other things that my husband and I used to share.
This evening has been spent writing a significant letter and making phone calls - again for school governor business. I need some 'me' time - I rarely had it before but need it more than ever now. I do feel like I am going under.
My daughter was going to come back from uni this weekend but has so much work she can't :-(
I officially start my next OU module on Saturday - at the moment I have no idea how I am going to manage it.
Whilst everyone has been so nice and expressing their sadness at what has happened and saying how mad my husband must be, they all have their own lives to live so can't be around me all the time. I am not good at asking for help or hugs. Time should heal and even though it is three weeks since he has left I don't feel like I am moving on fast. Time should heal but at the moment I am probably coming over as being morose to everyone so I can understand why folk may not want to spend too much time with me. I need to move on but can't find a way to do that yet........
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