It seems that I am supposed to get angry and hate my husband. I tried hard to feel hate for him but can't. I just feel love for him still and when I try I just cry. I feel so lost. I feel like I am just existing with no real purpose in my life anymore. I can't think about my future or what I want to do :-(
A couple of friends who know saw me for the first time today. I got hugs and they noted how shocked they were and how stupid he is. One of them said what I feel - it is plainly wrong for another woman to break up a marriage that was ok - and even if it wasn't strong marriages work things through. That is always what we have done and probably would have again if the manipulating ***** hadn't pursued him. This made me cry.
A friend and I are planning to go away for a couple of days just to chill. I'm looking forward to that.
He hardly texts me at all now. I'm not sure if that is because people have told him not to or if he is now less bothered.
I can't seem to get to bed early - I always have so much to do when I get home. I can't yet seem to get the balance right and as I'm having to pick things up he would normally do I find I get even less time to relax and sleep :-(
I'm trying to think of positive things like being able to do what I want when I want, the house being tidier, the food shopping being cheaper, the bins being emptier, less toilet rolls, less ironing etc. But none of these can replace the love of my life that I have lost.
I had to drive to Harlow today which was a longer drive than normal and I can't remember most of the drive as all I could do was think about what has been and what I've done and what will be. Everyone says its not my doing - its him - but you can't help going over and over it. I need that break...............
No comments:
Post a Comment