Day 4

I tried to keep myself busy today so I wouldn't feel so lonely. The house is so quiet without my husband, the dog and the girls here. It feels so odd and I have to say I feel a little nervous about being on my own. I'm still not sleeping well and feel really tired through the day. I am starting to get black circles under my eyes :-(

Told a couple more people today who didn't know - once again shock and disbelief - everyone says what a nice couple we were. Makes it very hard to hear that.

I went for a mile and a half walk with a friend this morning. The sun was shining and that always makes you feel better than when its wet and dark. It was nice to be out in the fresh air and getting some exercise.

Most of the rest of the day was spent on catching up on emails and ironing and so on. A bit of listening to sad songs and crying too.

And then this evening I joined a group of friends for a pub quiz. We've agreed to do that every Sunday evening until we start back at choir in late March.

My younger daughter returned from her weekend away and promptly had a go at me for not eating properly. She insisted on making me a packed lunch for work tomorrow.

I still would like him to come back but have already decided that if he wants to come back in the next few weeks I will ask him to go and live with his mum for a couple of weeks so he can decide if that is really what he wants to do. I don't know if he will come back, I'm thinking more and more it is unlikely so I need to start thinking about what I will do.

I'm going to take his bits and bobs I have here such as mails etc. to give to him at the theatre group tomorrow.

He seems to be keen to know what I did yesterday that I couldn't see him and where I went for a walk today. I'm keeping texts simple and to the point and not really telling him much. If he wanted to be in my life and know then he shouldn't have left me for 'her'. I'm also staying off facebook and skype chat and not posting much - let him wonder what I am up to...........