A later than normal posting for the 29th January as I was out for a nice meal with good friends last night and just wanted my bed when I got in.
This morning I'm planning to go to Church for the first time in a few weeks. Not sure how I will feel and behave especially after the events of yesterday.
I was so cross yesterday. I heard from a friend that they had bumped into my husband and told him what they thought about how he had handled everything. He said that he was happy and that people do not know what goes on behind closed doors......... now maybe I'm being over sensitive and reading things into that, but to me that suggests that he wasn't happy when with me and that there were problems in our marriage. That really really upset me again and I fear I am back to square one.
I had to text him (rightly or wrongly) saying I was glad he was happy but I wish he had had the decency to have told me he wasn't happy so we could have discussed it and worked thought it. So we shared a few texts that went along the lines of - 'I never said that - I have been consistent in saying you have done nothing wrong - whoever told you that has misinterpreted what I said'.... he then proceeded to try and call me on the phone.... ' I told him I was too upset and didn't want to talk to him .... bye' he responded that he was now upset too and that he was sorry I was cross and full of rage. Too damn right.
Lucky him that he can be so happy ....................................................... I know I am being a misery but I can't can't can't get out of this......................maybe I am depressed................I spent about an hour sobbing again and so wanted a hug from someone. I seriously was thinking of ending it all ...............the only thing that is really keeping me going is my daughters, I couldn't do that to them.
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