Well he came around tonight and stayed for a couple of hours. I loved seeing the dog and miss her being around, but it would not be fair on her as I am out so much.
I found it hard to talk to him - just wanted to go over all the reasons why again - I can't seem to move on :-( He is upset the girls are not talking to him - I said what does he expect - he has hurt us all so much. I tried to clarify the twisted message that she sent which was different to what he had told me - he couldn't see that they were different. I said why didn't he let her see my response and he said he didn't want a slanging match as it would be him that got hurt!!!!! I need to do this for some closure.....
That party that I mentioned before - everyone seems to be suggesting I shouldn't go as I will see them together. I'm so torn - I don't want to get upset - but why should they get their wish of not having me there. I'm afraid as to what I might do and say to her - but that wouldn't be fair to the friend who's party it is - what shall I do ???
I'm finding myself very distracted all the time and can't seem to focus on anything for long. Oh I so long to be 'normal' again.......One good (ish) thing is my appetite is back. But I still feel tired all the time.
I still feel really angry at the manipulating *****, she has really wound him around her little finger so he is besotted with her. I feel sick at the thought of them together.
The dark mornings and all this rain at the moment doesn't help - I just feel unhappy and lonely all the time. I really am not myself and probably making everyone else fed up because I am so morose :-( If you are one of my friends reading this - I apologise I don't want to be like this but I am finding it hard to drag myself out of it. Maybe I am actually depressed ? Oh he suggested counselling to me - after what it did for him - I don't think so in a million years ................
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