Well my husband told our daughters yesterday. That was a traumatic experience that I don't want to repeat. Despite the fact that they are both now adults it hurt them as much as it has been hurting me. One of them said how she doesn't understand how he can hurt and leave three people for a 'buck toothed' woman. Oh and told me not to become an alcoholic or druggie!
I am so lucky to have such wonderful daughters. They have rallied around me, as have my friends. The three of us went out and had lunch together today and talked about things we might do next year. And then they bought me a bunch of beautiful flowers - I love flowers :-)
Our wider circle of friends are now finding out. I've had some unexpected responses - hugs from those who don't usually hug people, facebook messages from people I don't often speak to, texts and so on. Its really helping me a lot - so thank you all.
I went to the pub after choir yesterday and as I had had only a small bowl of pasta all day (cooked for me by my daughter) the wine soon went to my head. Unfortunately that led me to have a real go at my husband when I got back trying to make him see what a manipulative ***** she is.
My husband told his mum yesterday - don't think that went well either. However I want to stay friends and in contact with them as they along with the girls are my only family. Being an only child and both parents being dead means without them, the girls and my friends I would be very alone.
How am I feeling now ? I can't really say...... at least I can eat a bit more than I could last week (its been a week now since he told me). Last week I just felt sick all the time so couldn't eat. My feelings are muddled. I still love him and want him to stay. I seem to see, hear and read things about relationships which make me cry. I feel hope, resignation, heartache, sadness, pain, fear, anger - I could go on. On occasion I try and think of some of the positives - I'm not eating much so may lose weight, I will have less washing and ironing to do and teh house will be tidier. I can stay out all night if I want to - maybe I will...
Its ironic really beacuse we are both sitting here tonight, me watching Casualty on iplayer, he listening to his ipod - and he says he is bored ! Usually we are so busy but now he is leaving me we have more time together. He doesn't watch much TV and usually has a busy social life and now he will be at home most nights watching TV. Ho hum - hope he enjoys the boredom!!
At the moment I don't feel like I can laugh or smile - I feel guilty doing so...
Off to work tomorrow for a busy day and a next instalment of my blog.
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