Hate hate hate

Not been a good day today :-(

My husband said he would do a shop before he leaves so I have things in the house, I said I didn't need him to do it. He noted I wouldn't have anything for packed lunches - I said I wouldn't bother with lunch and he then accused me of emotional blackmail - really ! What has the 'other woman' been doing over the last 18 months - he doesn't see that.....

He started to sort out and box up all his DVDs. His DVDs have been part of our life with him collecting them and watching them etc. and now he is boxing them up to take to her house. It was just too much for me seeing this and broke down as badly as when he told me he was leaving. I cried for about an hour and have been in tears off and on since. All I can think about is the manipulating **** and how happy she must be knowing he is coming to her and leaving me and all I feel is so much hate - I didn't think I could hate someone so much and I can't get pictures of them together out of my head.

My husband accidentally left the pay as you go mobile he bought especially to contact her on the bed, I managed to pick it up and saw the text that had just come in from her - saying 'I love you, don't worry, stay strong and keep true to yourself' - I felt so sick. He had realised that he didn't have the phone and came running into the room in a blind panic and asked me what I had done....... obviously didn't want me to see anything or call her.

I'm so torn as what to do with our dog. Selfishly I'd like to keep her as she would be company for me and I do enjoy walking her - however being at work all day and out some evenings would mean she is alone a lot, so I've said that maybe he should take her.

I feel like everything has been ripped away from my life including my life source. Despite having wonderful friends and daughters I feel so lonely and desperate. This has changed me so much I am usually happy and forward looking. He keeps saying I will meet someone else - he wants me to to help him not me. I can't ever contemplate having my heart broken again. The only reason I have for living are my daughters - if it was not for them, then I think I would consider ending it all.