Why do I feel guilty ?

I've been doing more thinking in the car when driving - always a bad thing ! I'm trying to understand why I can't get angry with my husband. I'm told I need to do this to enable me to move on but I can't. I feel guilty as if I have done something wrong. My husband is not being horrible to me (apart from the obvious) and is also being very reasonable and understanding - and I love him still. So if people are right how do I move on ? In my heart I am still hoping he will come back. In my head I don't think he will. So what do I do ?

I'm alone at home tonight and will be alone every night from Sunday for a week as both daughters are away - I'm not too good when on my own :-( At least I am at work and during the day and on stage in the evening.

My daughter commented today that she would love to know what the manipulating ****'s children feel about their dad moving out and a new man moving in. It is obviously on her mind.

I went to visit my mother and sister in law today and am so grateful at how supportive they are to the girls and me. My sister in law doesn't want to meet the manipulating ***** and says my husband is no brother to her anymore. My mother in law acknowledges that she will have to meet the manipulating ***** at some point but says it is still too early. I got thinking about Christmas and wondered what that will be like this year. I'm feeling low again, am tired and have had a sore throat now for nearly two weeks. The only thing that seems to be going OK is work - though it is probably a bit too busy - and having good friends. Otherwise my personal life, school governors, the theatre group and trying to study is all rubbish at the moment. And even though the girls are both over 18 they still need my support - as they don't want their dad - I am now in theory a single mum.

I've also been thinking about the time between him first seeing her until late last year. As I recall more and more things that we have done such as holidays and certain discussions I now can see that he was distracted and no longer in our relationship. What really hurt me just before he said he was leaving was the fact that he said he couldn't kiss me on the lips. He is an actor and has done that on stage with other women - but he couldn't do it to someone he says he loves, has been married to for over 28 years and had two lovely daughters with. As I write this the hate for her is welling up in me again and the tears start to flow :-(