I felt nothing

It is Sunday evening and I am exhausted. We had the after show party last night and I didn't get to bed till 4am. The trouble is I never am able to lie in - I seem to wake up around 8am and then the cats bother me and then I end up being awake. To top it all my throat is sore again - had this for weeks :-(

I've been eating so badly this week so I made myself a lovely quorn spaghetti bolognase - it was yummy. I did however eat very late .....

Both the girls are back now, but I am on my own again tonight as they are sleeping at their respective boyfriends houses. I have a pile of washing and ironing to do that they kindly provided !

Its been an eventful few days on top of the show.

My husband came to see the show on Thursday evening and waited to speak to me afterwards. I felt very awkward talking with him in public and left as soon as he had finished giving me his crit. I didn't want to be there in case I cried in front of everyone. I did get emotional but when I was talking to him I saw a different person there and I felt nothing. The emotion came as I left. What does that mean ?
I've been contemplating taking my wedding ring off - but I am scare to do it - no idea why - subconsciously I guess I think that as long as I am married then I should leave the ring on as it keeps that link with him. But then I feel cross and want to take it off. So many many conflicting emotions. Should I take it off or leave it on ????????

I've noticed that some of his friends through his Hypnotherapy have become friends with the manipulating *****. This is irrational but I am so scared that everyone will love her and want to be friends with her and that she will take all my friends away.

On Friday my daughter at uni finished her last exam. She was feeling much more positive which was great. She told me that she will probably contact my husband to see him as she kind of missed him. I suggested she took her sister along, but she said she won't go as she is an 'angry kid'.

So I asked my other daughter and she said no she didn't want to speak to him......

On Saturday I had asked my husband to feed the cats as I couldn't get back from the theatre - he said yes he would. Anyhow I pop back to change quickly at the end of the evening and he hadn't been in to feed the cats. He did apologise once I had texted him thanks for feeding them ! I pointed out to him that his new 'family' are now taking priority and this was just one example where he couldn't even remember to come and feed the cats. He's been trying to ring me all day and eventually left a voice message claiming he simply forgot. He probably did - but it'll be because he was concentrating on other things - probably sex with her.

I'm still not getting on with my OU - its not looking good :-( I can't give up doing this - she will have won.........

The MD of the show has been an angel to me - she, having been through a break up herself a number of years ago keeps telling me how wonderful I am - trying to keep my self esteem up - she is such a wonderful person herself - I do believe she is a guardian angel. So giving and full of life and fun. I would love to be able half of what she is. I don't believe in myself - yes everyone says I am strong and will get through it - but sometimes I want to be looked after and not have to think about things. Guess that will never happen especially having the girls to look after - I can't rely on him at all anymore.