Well I think I am finally going mad. I've started talking to the cat ! I think because she is there all the time and sometimes she is the only one around to talk to :-(
I went to the doctors today for a blood pressure check and because I have had a sore throat for a week. Surprisingly the blood pressure was ok. I told the doctor that my husband had left me. She said something about men of "that age" that turns them stupid. I definitely spiralling into a down phase again. Not eating properly or sleeping well. One day this will stop - I hope......
My daughter has gone back to uni for her final exams - 17 days and then she will be back. Yesterday she sat on her bedroom floor and cried her eyes out saying she didn't want to go back because she gets homesick. My other daughter tried to cheer her up and I sat on the floor with her hugging her. I realised then how much this has affected them both and still is. How could two human beings one being their father do this to two beautiful young girls ? I hate her so much for that and can't understand why he thought they wouldn't be affected. I can feel the anger welling up in me - not good......
Hi, Slava
ReplyDelete{Hugs}
Get some sleep. It will make all the difference. And you must eat properly. But you know all that anyway. Try and avoid the spiral because you know it will drag you down. Try and find something positive or watch a film that really makes you laugh out loud. Tell your mind to shut up and leave you be for a few hours at least. Dance to your favourite music, sing your happiest song. Just try your best to do something to lift your mood even if you have pretend. You're an actress aren't you - so fake it. Apparently, by faking it it can actually make you feel better for real. And yes you do deserve to be happy even if this has happened to you and you feel it wrong to be happy. You've mourned long enough. I was really down but have just made a decision not to allow it. Viktor Frankl - they can't make us feel, only we can do that. Life's too short for all this sh't!!! I don't know about you but I've cried an ocean already, let alone a river. PS try and let go the hate because that will just hurt you not her. Just remember - what goes around comes around. There is no escape. Karma will repay her for what she has done, and sometimes Karma will even let you watch. I've seen it. Nothing you or anyone else can do to stop that. Sorry if this all sounds nutty but I am FED UP with being miserable. FED UP with relying on someone else to be happy. We have that power ourselves and if they don't want to be around - well they are the ones that are going to be missing out as I doubt anyone else is going to love them like we do/did.
Best Wishes and Hugs (I'll try and calm down now)
MDM