Thinking is a dangerous thing !

I've had a lovely couple of evenings chilling with friends (and drinking too much again!). This got me thinking about my life to now, recently and in the future. One of the things that I did a little self exploration about was how my life has been very planned (apart from unforeseen circumstances) and less spontaneous. I have always thought of myself as being an organised and planned person and find it hard when things are done in the moment rather than being previously planned. I've enjoyed some of the spontaneity that has happened recently - so wondered why. I think that during our lives we have responsibilities and many of these need planning and organisation - such as work, children etc.etc. On top of that I have always engaged in activities that needed me to be organised and that with having lots to do meant I had to work in this way. So how do I move forward. I think that I need a bit of both in my life now. Time just to be and just to do on the spur of the moment. However to do that I need to have less in my life to organise. With the girls getting older they need less of my time - I have no husband or partner to have to worry about and with giving up church and school governors - maybe I can get to a situation soon where I can just chill at times or go out for coffee with someone and so on.

I've also decided that when I've finished my OU degree (a couple of years yet), I want to take up my photography again and just go out and take photos.

The other thing that has got me thinking is about sex. I had an interesting conversation with my friends on how people perceive sex - should it be linked to love or considered just an enjoyable act like having a drink or going to the cinema. I don't know anymore. I can see both points of view. Maybe the first is important when you are going into a relationship with someone and want to commit and the second if you are not. This is something I need to think a bit more on. The first was drummed into me at school and by my mum - but maybe its time to think again .......

At the moment I still feel numb and am in fact starting to feel a little cross with my husband for putting me through the last six months. I still hate the manipulating ***** with a vengeance and just wish I could find some way for her to regret what she has done. But as I won't do anything I have to rely on karma to do it for me.

I follow another blog called 'Me Discovering Me'. I so feel for the lady and wish I could give her a hug as she is going through so many of the same emotions as me. MDM if you read this a big <hug> from me x