In the beginning

On Monday 6th December my husband of over 28 years declared that he is leaving me for another woman. Apparently I have done nothing wrong and he still loves me but is not 'in love' with me.

His affair started around 18 months ago by 'the other woman' contacting and propositioning him on facebook. Now he is no angel as he should have said no - but why would a woman deliberately set out to break up a marriage that was not in trouble just because hers was on the rocks ? To be fair to my husband he told me after I noted that he seemed to be distant - at least I didn't find out via some other route !

We tried twice to make a go of it but both times she managed to come back into his life again opening up wounds and making him think again of her never really giving us a chance. She claims she is 'thick' but I think she targeted him as she could see what a wonderful man is he and wanted him to replace her broken marriage (by her I hasten to add). I also think she is a manipulating *****.

I still love my husband as he is my soulmate and always has been and also was my best friend. So not only has she stolen my husband, she has stolen my soulmate and my best friend.

This blog will hopefully be therapeutic for me and maybe help others who find themselves in a similar situation xx





Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Here we go again.....

I've been trying to think whether all the things that have been going wrong are part of life generally and whether we had all these issues before. And I am sure there were some, but not as many as this together, Plus when you have someone to share it with it seems half the problem as you can talk it through and bounce ideas around and then agree a solution. When you are on your own it is so hard. I don't know how single parents of younger children manage - maybe because they are younger themselves they have more of a future to think about and more energy to cope.

My daughter has decided to use some of her savings to buy a new car and has put a deposit down (which I gave ....) and picks up the new car. She got £600 in part exchange, so I have in effect thrown over £5000 down the drain in less than a year on that car. Is this just bad luck or down to the fact that I can't make decisions very well on my own ?

I still can't talk to her properly - she has been trying but as soon as I say anything she doesn't want to deal with she goes off in a huff and doesn't want to talk to me. She accuses me of 'having a go'. I don't think I am  - I'm just trying to be practical. I used to think I was quite good at talking to my daughters and others - but now am not so sure. Is it just because I am not right with myself ?

I watched Casualty from two weeks ago on catch up TV and bawled my eyes out because one of the stories was too close to home. And then at one point my heart literally jumped to my stomach.

Some of the things I had a sense was happening at the theatre group seem to be coming true - I will need to make a decision after the next show if I want to continue with the group. If a certain group of people get control it will not be a nice place to be, so I won't bother. If that happens that will be almost everything I was doing - gone.... changed.

To top it all today I found out my nice boss has another job and is leaving on the 1st Feb. One of my peers  will be acting boss until they find someone else. I really could do without this on top of the pressure of the job already.

Please please please can I have one good thing - something big - happen - I so need it - I am so low again - life stinks - I hate myself :-(
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