I'm so glad it is Friday tomorrow as I have not had a good week. Monday was the start of the Music Hall which a friend and I are supposed to be directing. I say supposed as everyone was giving us 'advise' and being totally selfish and opinionated. I threw a complete wobbly and left. That is not something I would normally do but I couldn't bear it anymore. I felt down already and this was just the final straw. A couple of good friends tried to help and it was good to talk, but I still feel down about it especially as one individual did insist on continuing to give 'advise' on Wednesday at our next rehearsal. Rightly or wrongly with the mood I am in I was not ready to listen and in fact it led me to be more stubborn about what we wanted to do. I know that is not the right attitude and in fact it is again out of character for me - but I've had enough..... my emotions are running high again.
Today I decided to catch up on a couple of back episodes of Casualty. I sat and cried through them both - there were so many reminders of things in my life particularly to do with my faith or rather the fact I don't have any, any more.
My youngest daughter almost gave me a counselling session this evening. We were doing some icing of cup cakes together for a fund raiser on Saturday when we got talking and she quite rightly told me I was miserable and needed to find something to do that would make me happy. She also suggested finding a 'companion' ! I acknowledge that I am miserable and negative and I pointed out to her that I know all of that in my head - its just I can't get my feelings to match.
Its been nearly 10 months since he left and I would still have him back. I'm finding it harder and harder to find positives in my life - I thought it was supposed to get better over time ? For me it just feels like it is getting worse :-(
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