I miss my mum

I've been away again on business this week at a conference on a cruise ship. It was a busy three days but also quite pleasant. I still find it very hard when folk talk about their partners. The one thing I have realised is that my husband and I were so close and never joked or said anything negative about each other to anyone. Unlike many folk who use the wife/husband stereotype jokes about their partners, Does that mean our marriage was odd ? I think that is why I am finding it so hard - we really were so very close in many ways - was that unhealthy ?

My daughter had a problem with her car mirror and so I asked my husband to help her sort it out - there was an ulterior motive and that was to get them talking again. It seemed to have worked, She agreed to be a friend on fb with him again - and the mirror was fixed. He also volunteered to take the rubbish around the side of the house to the dump. There was loads of it so I expected he would take a few bits but I was surprised when I got home that he had cleared it all !

I went to a wedding reception last night and some guy was rather suggestive. I have no idea how to handle that except to joke. Again I felt quite out of it as people were having fun with their partners. I feel so awkward now and beginning to not want to bother to go out. I do enjoy being with people but find myself becoming more reclusive - oh god I am so miserable and horrible to be with.

I am in heavy revision mode as my exam is on Wednesday. I am so looking forward to next Sunday, when the exam is over and the show is over. I can then spend some time doing other things like reading some novels. At least until mid January.

I'm not looking forward to my birthday at all this year - it will be so very very different. I've decided to go out for a meal and see if any friends want to come with me. So I've sent a fb invite and will mention it to a few others. I have no idea if folk will want to bother. I did consider inviting my husband - but wonder if that would be too odd ?  I have always celebrated my birthday since I was a child. When my mum died it was not the same as we used to go out for lunch, and now with my husband gone I have no one really to make it special :-( I'm sure the girls will try, but they are both at work during the day. I might just have to book a massage and some pampering for myself and buy myself a present. I hate feeling alone and sooo miss my mum <sob>.