Oh boy......I really thought I was moving forward....... I'm still finding folk who don't know about my husband leaving me. Someone asked me at work on Friday how he was. I felt the tears come and had to try so hard to hold them back. And then my brother in laws wife asked me how I was and I felt I had to tell her what really happened as I don't think she (or my brother in law I guess) really knew. These two events made me realise how much I still miss him :-( I started to think again about being on my own as I get older and having no one to share things good and bad with. The girls live here and we do see each other but we all live very separate lives. I've suggested a girlie evening in together and they have said yes, I just need to find a time we can all do it!
Work is still overwhelming and very challenging. I do like a challenge but I'm having to work a longer day and so I am rushing around all the time and not getting enough sleep which I am finding very unsatisfying. I'm also starting to comfort eat which is not doing me any good.
All these things combined made me recognise how I am really not enjoying my life experience at the moment. Yes there are moments usually when with friends that I feel good.
I particularly enjoyed being with friends doing a simple very quickly rehearsed show for the caravan and camping club in a tent in a field. I enjoy the outdoors and was thinking that maybe that is something I should do more of. I could possibly combine the photography with it too. I need to finish my OU degree first and then maybe....
Tonight I went to the start of the governors meeting as I was asked to. I was very touched as they had bought me some presents and said thank you. I had tears again and was speechless. But what really got me was the lovely messages from each governor. I sat at home and cried my eyes out again. It was the right thing at the moment to step down, but I didn't realise what people thought of me. I'm so sad and angry that I was forced into the situation of having to step down. I don't like to be beaten, but had to admit to myself that something had to stop.
One good thing today - I got my mark for my last assignment back - this is one that counts as 20% of the final exam mark. I managed to get a pass 1 :-) So happy with that. So this weekend I need to write the last assignment and get down to revising for the exam on 19th October.
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