So here we are nearly in the middle of May 2014. My husband left me for the manipulating ***** three years and four months ago. I am still taking two steps forward and one big one back everyday. Whilst I try and live life to the full, I still miss him and resent her. I still sleep on my side of our king size bed and have only recently bought a new eiderdown to replace the one we had for years.
I still don't know what my future holds or where I am going - confusion and uncertainty reign. The thing I am most not looking forward to now is my youngest daughter leaving to go to university. I am so pleased for her and hope it takes her to where she wants to go in her life, but I will miss our regular chats and her very sensible logical thinking.
I am Most definitely menopausal now as I am getting a number of the symptoms. Whilst I don't get moody I do find I am getting down for no apparent reason. I started to think a lot about how I feel the way I have been and why people commit suicide and came to the conclusion it is down to two things : not feeling wanted or belonging and hope. When I feel particularly down it is because these are both absent. I can imagine if you have neither for a prolonged time you would see no point in living.
Some good things.....I have maintained my target weight loss, I formally graduate at the end of this month, I enjoy my walking, I potentially have a holiday arranged with good friends but I still do not have anything new to do at work so am just about to start twiddling my fingers and right now I have a rotten cold and I have a show next week.....could be worse I guess. Well my ex husband is coming to see the show with HER. Not sure how that will affect me as I'm sure I will spot them in the audience :-(
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