Its been nearly three years and three months since my husband left. I feel I am taking two steps forward and one back. I did start a Happy Jar in January to capture good things to look back on.
There are good changes and things but also emotionally I'm still not right. Over the last few weeks I have felt very down most of the time. I can't put my finger on why apart from work perhaps.
Things haven't changed much since I last wrote except that my programme manager has got a new job and is moving off next week. This has meant that I will be closing my programme down sooner rather than later and passing half of the work off to other folk. I really hate going into the office now preferring to work from home, but I can't do that all the time. I long for my weekends now and hate it when Sunday evening comes around.
I have been asked to follow up a possible opportunity with someone whom I am talking to next week. I get the sense they don't really know what to do with me. That doesn't make me feel good. I spoke with my SVP about how I feel and all he could say was 'I don't know what to do'. I explained my concern about the individuals who have influence over my career and he said he would watch out for that bad behaviour. I do trust he will, but what to do if they haven't a role for me. Redundancy is very appealing especially as I recently have had three head hunters contact me. I don't expect anything will come from them, but interesting that they thought I had valuable experience. I really need to decide what I want to do as I have so much going around and around my head.I think I fancy moving into a portfolio of roles so that I can also do some of the things I really enjoy.
My youngest daughter has decided to go into Nursing and was offered an interview at all five universities she applied to. She didn't go o one as she already had four offers. She has decided to go to a university in London and plans to live there which means she will be moving out in September. I am very proud of her as she has been offered a place at Kings College London. However I will miss her terribly. My older daughter whilst still living at home spends most of her weekends and the odd evening at her boyfriends so I will be on my own even more.
I have over the last few weeks had three men individually tell me I look younger than my years by about 10 years. That is nice to be told.
In January I joined a walking group and really enjoy walking as I meet new people, get some exercise and it gives me a chance to take photographs. I've also started courses on a freebie site called FutureLearn. So far I have down one on Forensic Science, Cancer and Branding. The branding one was fascinating. One of the things it discussed was about branding yourself. I will have a go at that to help me decide what to do.
My husband is still being 'nice' to me though he doesn't really contact me very much. The latest is he complained about two mobile insurances that have been taken from my account monthly for years after the phones were no longer in use. They were both in his name. His last letter of complaint has led to them promising to send two cheques for the over payment plus interest. It really confuses me when he does things like this..... he also asked me not to pay him £2000 of the money I owe him and to keep that by for the girls when they get married as a gift from him. He wanted me to do that as he knows he won't be able to save the money.
I'm still trying to decide what to do for holiday this year. I have a weekend planned with my good friends in Spain, a visit to the Edinburgh fringe to see the youth group at my theatre club perform and to enjoy some more productions. The nice thing is my younger daughter and boyfriend are coming with me. And then I have a wedding in Stratford upon Avon. I've taken the opportunity to spend a couple of extra days to visit the area. However I want to go abroad somewhere different too.
Today was mothers day and I was on my own for quite a lot of it. I felt very sad about this :-(
I need to find some personal direction and a purpose for me ................
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