Its been over two years now since my husband told me he was leaving me for the manipulating ***** and I still can't discuss it with anyone without getting tears in my eyes.
The divorce proceedings have started I guess it will take a few months now for it to work through. I'm rather scared about it all - worried about what will be the final outcome - the one that my husband has asked for which is very fair or whether the manipulating ***** or the solicitor persuade him to go for more. My heart still doesn't want to do this but the head understands it is necessary.
I'm trying so hard to be positive and start to think about what I want in life. My youngest daughter gave me a lovely Christmas card in which she called me an independent woman. Am I ? I don't feel it...... I used to be - maybe I could be again ?
I really enjoyed my work Christmas meal last week up in London - its the first I have been to for the last two years. Whilst in London I took the opportunity to go and see a show - Top Hat. It was a lovely 'old fashioned' type show. I did want to get up and dance !! Yesterday I took myself off to see The Hobbit at the cinema. So I am trying to do things on my own though it still feels odd.
I'm off work now for 23 days :-) Seems like a great idea and I am looking forward to the break but wonder if I may be a little lonely either side of the Christmas days. So far its been a bit of both. Today I saw two friends who I don't get to speak to very often. It was lovely :-)
I'm off to audition for the next play at the theatre group tonight ' One flew over the cuckoos nest'. I'm pretty relaxed about whether I get a part or not - maybe too relaxed ! I've been humming and haaring as to whether I should audition so haven't really prepared. There are definite pros and cons to doing the show.
Oh I should mention that I passed my last OU module with the best mark I have had for the whole course so far :-) I also got a reasonable mark on my first assignment for one of my current two final modules. I only get a pass or fail for these two so as long as I don't mess up badly fingers crossed I am on the home run :-)
I'm going to try and have a fun Christmas - I have all my husband's family coming over to ours for Christmas day. My husband is coming over (alone!) for presents and games but not for the meal.... despite them being broke and in debt they (plus the three kids) are going to a pub for Christmas dinner..... My mother in law mentioned to me that he has told her that he wants to integrate the manipulating ***** into the family next year. So I don't know what that will mean for Christmas next year.....
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