Long hours at work

I hadn't realised how long it has been since I last posted. So what as been going on in my life ? I haven't seen the chap who talked to me at work again, so that obviously was not a chat up ! I did briefly set myself up on a dating site and then took myself off again after a few days. It's definitely not me. How can you be sure the men are what they say they are ? I guess I'll probably be single for ever now :-( my friend I went on holiday with last year and was going to have a week away with later this year has a new man in her life, so I guess that holiday won't happen... Ho hum. I did get away for a long weekend with two friends visiting a couple who have retired to Spain.mthey were the perfect hosts and the weekend was wonderful - just what I needed :-) Work has been awful and I have been working long hours and sleeping few. Typically I've been doing an 11 or 12 hour day. This means I avent been eating properly and getting to my rehearsals late. I haven't been able to do my drama or dance classes that start at 6 so I am very resentful of work at the moment which is not good. I'm hoping though that it will be only a couple of weeks more and then I can get back to a. Ore reasonable work life balance. My husband is training to be a bus driver and came around to pick up the post the other day. He stopped for a cuppa and told me all about it. After he left I was down again for days, crying in the car driving to work and when alone at home. I did get some glimmer of anger recently on how someone who says they love e could put me through this. But it subsided quickly as I still love him :-( the tears are falling now as I write that. Someone said to me this week that it's time to move on, I wish I could. The theatre group has been up and down again too. I was close again to leaving. There is one person that so gets under my skin. She is deliberately and visibly leaving me out of things - that upsets me. And then there is the karaoke crowd..... That has changed so much with a whole new group now going and they forget to tell me that they are going. One of my friends from the original crowd has kind of joined that group and doesn't really talk to me much anymore. I feel discarded to the extent i had a nightmare about itblast night. Sometimes I feel that I should just leave and start my life again somewhere else. The manipulating ***** is slowly destroying everything I had in my life. I had some very evil thoughts about what i could do to her the other day..... Having said all of that there is a glimmer of hope as some good things have happened. I have lost just over a stone in weight and people have started to notice. I managed to get a part in the next show. It's not the one I wanted and I'm playing a man but it's a part. And I managed to win two tickets for the Olympics at work. I don't know what or when yet or who will go with me! I'm in the middle at the moment with writing my next assignment. This is a project worth 30% of the exam mark and is 4000 words long so it's been a hard slog. Fingers crossed I will finish and send off tomorrow. It has meant I have been working on it all day today. Well it's 1:30am now so time to sleep. It won't be for long as I keep waking up at 5:30am for some reason and then the cats keep pestering me till I feed them .

Chat up ?

I've been down again all week. Everything seems so bad and against me. I've seriously been thinking of leaving the theatre group this week as all kinds of crap has been going on. It feels like some folk are conspiring against me and saying I said things I haven't and I haven't got the strength to fight anymore. Work is horrid still and I just want out but I can't. I've cried every day driving to and from work. I don't know if it was made worse by my husband coming over on Sunday. I need some changes in my life but how ?

At work today a fellow starting talking to me (someone over this week for some training) and I think he was starting to chat me up ! I'm guessing of course because I really don't know :-o Hmmmm....... maybe its the eyelash extensions I had done last week ?

I'm off to Spain for the weekend to visit some friends with two friends -  I think it will be an interesting weekend.  I really need the break - but work has made me feel so guilty about going. It will be great to get some sun and just chill.

A couple of the most unexpected people have offered to be a friend and listen to me - how nice is that :-)

Jubilee weekend

Guess what I did this jubilee weekend - nothing I was alone all day :-( I would have so loved to celebrate in some way but going alone is no fun. I feel so sad again. Oh god I hate this so much. Work is awful at the moment so much so I don't want to be there. I seriously want to just disappear and get out of this all. I know I should be grateful for what I've got, but I really cant cope with this loneliness and feeling of not being wanted by anyone. I hate what he has done to me. He doesn't care at all probably having a lovely time with the manipulating *****. Oh god....