And life is still good :-)

Well here we are almost at Christmas 2017.

It is now seven years since my ex told me he was leaving and in January it will be seven years since he left. Seven years ago he was moving his things out of the house and meeting with the manipulating ***** and her kids. Despite this I was determined that it wouldn't spoil Christmases for us in future and I've had lovely times with my girls.

This year will be so special as I will be with my boyfriend of five months and things are going so brilliantly with us both. I feel so lucky to have found someone who is so compatible in many many ways :-D

I have now met his mum and two daughters with their partners and it all seemed to go well. I thought they were all lovely and hopefully they thought the same of me.

We do so much together and everything is magical. I now have a purpose in life again......

Since the last post the show I was directing has finished and it got lots of good feedback from the audience, It was a very stressful experience. It has along with other things that have happened sadly made me less likely to do anything else with this group which is a shame as I have been a member for around 17 years.  I do miss performing however so may have to find another group to join.

My new man has joined me on my live radio show and that is making it so much fun ! We seem to work well as a double act plus we have been on video via facebook live during the show and that seems to be popular.

The trip with my daughter to Costa Rica was great and we really enjoyed ourselves though I did miss my boyfriend - that must be telling me something mustn't it ? It was so lovely to be with my daughter over those 9 days. I love my girls so very much and any time with them is special for me.

My youngest moved out and is living in her first flat with her boyfriend now. Something they had planned for a while. I'm really pleased for them both but it does make the house feel very empty and lonely for me when I'm alone in the evening. Even though we were passing ships it was nice to know someone else was in the house. My boyfriend lives a 45 min drive away and works the night shift an hour away so I tend to see him at weekends and on Wednesdays for the radio show.

Health wise I saw the Rheumatologist in October and it was good news in that she didn't think I had anything major. Her view was that because I have danced for years my muscles were now compensating for my joints which were less supple due to age. Apparently athletes commonly have such issues, Now whilst I'd like to think I was pretty flexible I dont think I can compare myself to an athlete ! So I dont really buy into this diagnosis. The Osteopath seems to think the pain in my arms is due to an impingement in my shoulders which women often get in later years. A good friend who is a GP but also was a microbiologist has a different theory which seems more likely to me - she suggests that I caught a virus that has affected my muscles and that this time next year I will be fine again. The pain has significantly improved - it is a year now since it started. I still do have stiffness and pain but some days are really good and some not so good - but at least it seems to be improving all the time :-) I keep telling my boyfriend he is good medicine for me ;-p

The last few days I have been feeling very emotional and in tears - I have no idea why as I feel very happy at the moment - perhaps because I am on my own on the run up to Christmas ? Or maybe I am leaving the last chapter behind now and am grieving that in preparation for the new one ?

I always thought I would write this blog until I had found my new happy place - I think I am getting there :-) And maybe when I have a happy ending I'll turn this into a book for all those who find themselves in the same position in their lives......

Wow what an amazing few months !!

i hadn’t realised it’s been three and a half months since I last posted ! Time does go quickly when you are having fun and are happy  😃

So picking up from the last post.....

Feeling pretty fed up about the man situation I decided to take a break from it but one of my friends suggested I try Zoosk as she had lost of success with it. I did join along with another friend but really if I am honest to support her as she was going through a tough relationship time. Most of the guys who came through did not meet my small number of criteria one of them being distance. Eventually I met one guy for a cuppa - nice but no spark. One guy was very honest and said he thought we were after different things .....  then I was chatting with two guys who both seemed very nice. I planned to meet with them both and in the same day they both called off the dates. One because he said he had realised an old friend had meant more to him than he realised and didnt think it right to meet up - I appreciated the fact he was very honest and a gentleman. The second had damaged his finger and ended up being admitted to hospital. I did wonder at the time if that was an excuse not to meet with me. So I thought hey ho no problem I’ll give up looking and just enjoy my single life.

Anyhow the guy with the finger did contact me again and we met the following week. There was an immediate spark between us - we got on so well and he was totally honest with me telling me all of his background and said that is him and if that put me off then at least I could make a decision to end it then.

I didn’t - all stuff was in the past and we seemed to get on really well with lots in common. Well now it is nearly three months since our first chat online and we have had a whirlwind relationship. I have never felt like this before about someone - yes even my ex at the beginning - it is such a different experience. I never thought I would feel such a strong attraction to someone so quickly. I assumed friendship then a growing love over time but how wrong could I be!

We have done so much together including travelling on a weekend photography trip to Germany together. It was one I had booked in March, but when I mentioned I was going on it he asked if it would be ok if he went too.

It all feels very fast but so right...... both of us have a number of times put our ‘sensible logical’ hat on to question how quickly things have developed and both agree because it feels right and we do have so much in common including values etc. that we will go with it.

I have already introduced him to many of my friends and so far they all think he is great. I’ve met a couple of his friends too. My two daughters have met him and seem to like him and they are happy that he makes me happy. I have yet to meet his daughters or family but one of his daughters is aware and he is planning to tell his mum and other daughter this coming weekend.

This feels so good and so right. I hadn’t realised how much I had missed having someone as a partner who cared for me. I know my daughters and friends care and look out for me and I love them all for being there for me and caring about me. Having a relationship is different and seems to make things more complete.

So ...... I have great hopes that he is the one for me to live my life out.....we have already booked another photography trip for next May !

In other news : I had a lovely week at the theatre summer school and have booked on next years week in August.

My youngest daughter started her new job along with working towards a masters degree. I’m so proud of her. My eldest is coming with me on holiday in November to Costa Rica - I’m really excited that she wanted to come with me.

The show I have been directing has been pretty stressful but will be a great show. One week to go and then it’ll be on stage. In two weeks time it will all be over! But I am directing a new play by a local author starting at the end of the month which will be exciting.

I’ll probably take a break from the theatre group I belong to for a number of reasons and see how it all goes....  want to spend more time with my man - must be good as I never thought I’d not be doing things with the group. The atmosphere is changing there too so it is a good time for a break.

My radio show has gone live again recently - changes there too with working towards goimg DAB.

Weight wise I need to lose a stone.... I really need to work hard to do that.....

My pains have improved from its worst after starting to take L- Glutamine. I’m a bit more achey today but possibly due to the all night dancing my man and I did at a friends party! I finally have an appointment with the rheumatologist on 18th October - ten months after the problems started and over six months from being referred ! I’m a little scared about what he will say and really don’t want to go on any medication, but it will be good to know why I’m having the pains, treatment and longer term prognosis.

Well that’s all for now from a much happier me 😁

OMG !!! What a week.....

OMG !!! What a week.....

Well..... I met another guy via the dating site at the beginning of May and it seemed to be going ok though there was something that didn't feel quite right to me so my guard was still up. I thought maybe it was just me because I struggle trusting folk since my ex did what he did for me. Anyhow last night I was contacted by a lady who claims to have dated this chap and that he had conned her out of money. She said she had been contacted the day before by another lady who told her about a lots of bad things and lies he had done to a number of women. She contacted me and many others he had as Facebook friends to warn them. I was a bit cautious at the beginning as I wasn't sure if it was just a previous date who was jealous or something. Anyhow as the conversation went on I decided to text him to say I had been contacted and to ask some questions. He came back on the defence initially but eventually when I challenged him to explain a few things including an article I found suggesting he had been done for Fraud and why he still had two profiles on the site though he said he had come off completely I have not heard back from him. I have to admit its rather scary as he knows where I live. I've told most of the friends who knew I was seeing him that it was over.

Thankfully I've already had a special video bell and CCTV installed for protection.......

I'm directing a show for my local theatre group and last week I had someone in the cast who is alcohol dependant accuse me of being discriminatory and was very rude and threatening. Since that she has apologised profusely as she was under the influence, but that shook me up as I try and support and help everyone. Needless to say she has decided not to do the show now.

And then I hear that my ex's brother has stage four pancreatic cancer which has spread to the stomach and spleen :-( Very sad. My ex happened to be down at the theatre group last night and he has lost lots of weight but I think he looked ill. It annoys me that despite me trying to help him lose weight lots of times he never really tried and now he does !

I've still not had an appointment with the Rheumatologist but the pains seems to be getting less which is a good thing. I certainly felt much better in the hot weather. It feels like the pain has been on a curve which reached its peak around March so if the curve is equal I might be better in July. Fingers crossed.

On the happy side - my daughter got a first in her dissertation and both daughters have new jobs which makes them happy so I'm happy :-)

Right now I have to work out where I'm going on holiday later this year :-)

Frustrating health issues

Gosh it's been ages since I last posted anything ! So what has happened and how am I feeling since I last wrote ?

Well sadly I've acquired a health issue with muscles in my neck, arms and upper legs being painful and terrible stiffness behind my knees in the morning and if I sat for any length of time. It all started when I came back from my holiday after catching a cold from someone on the plane. At first I thought I had just hit the gym too hard but it got progressively worse. Eventually I went to the Doctor on 13th February. I was shocked when she said ' what do you want me to do ? ' She sent me for a blood test and then said to just take Ibuprofen for a couple of weeks if the results are clear (which they were thankfully). I rarely go to the Doctor and like to think I am a healthy person on the whole so this has really been frustrating for me. I had a really painful weekend at the beginning of March when I couldn't get out of bed and struggled to go to and come off the loo. I was almost in tears as the pain was so bad. So I got an emergency appointment with the Doctor and saw a lovely trainee Doctor who examined me and asked the history etc. The first Doctor didn't do this ! He arranged for me to have a shoulder and hip x-ray and then when they came back clear (again good not to have any arthritis or unusual wear and tear) he arranged to refer me to a Rheumatologist as he suspects Polymyalgia Rheumatica (PMR). I am now playing the waiting game as there were no appointments available and I could have to wait for 18 weeks ! I've been on ibuprofen now for nine weeks and have been in so much pain even with the pain killers. Exploring alternatives I started to take Devils Claw and have been paying to see an Osteopath. The Osteopath had me stop the gym and anything that may trigger the pain but has let me recently go back to Pilates. It is so frustrating as I had been doing six classes a week and walking and it went down to nothing for a few weeks :-( Exercise helps but I have been in lots of pain once my body cools down. The last few days I have begun to feel in a little less pain and more able to do things. But I dont know if I have had an episode of something that is going now, the Devils Claw kicking in or the manipulation by the Osteopath.  They say when you've been through a traumatic event you can get ill a number of years later. I'm not convinced it is PMR as I dont have any other symptoms and no family history of any auto immune issues. Maybe I'm just in denial !

Despite the pain I have tried to keep myself busy but am not currently doing a show so finding that I don't really have a routine at the moment which is not great for me. Also I'm finding that I am out of the loop with many things and friends which also makes me sad. I've put on a little bit of weight which I hate but am struggling to lose it - probably because I am pretty sedentary at the moment.

I've been fortunate to go on a couple of weekends away with girl friends to a house in Suffolk and to Prague. Both great weekends but very different to each other.

I'm doing a bit more photography and enjoying that lots so am thinking I may create a web page to put some of my photos on. I put them up on facebook and often get lovely feedback from friends. Through this I have also made some great photography friends. Its nice to have like minded people to do things with.

I'm still off to the theatre regularly and have enjoyed some great shows.

My daughters are both doing well with the one at uni coming to the end of her study. She is job hunting at the moment and on writing has two interviews lined up. I am so proud of them both and feel very lucky to have them in my life :-)

Emotionally - I still have my good days and bad days. Bad days usually coincide with being on my own at home. I've tried the online dating again and had very little luck. I met up with one local guy whom I thought we got on quite well. Anyhow on his profile he had said 'spare tyres were non negotiable' and that was on my mind. After we last met (the third time) he didn't make contact again even not responding to a message from me to say thank you for the last meet up. Now I know not everyone is right for each other but it would have been courteous to have just said he wasn't feeling it rather than just stop. How rude and cowardly ! Again my confidence and self esteem has been knocked and online dating is not for me. I only went back on again to support a friend who had split with her husband and wanted to get into the dating game. She has had much more luck than me !!!
So I am obviously doing something wrong or am not going to meet anyone who likes me :-(

They say that when you can talk about a breakup without getting emotional then you are on the mend. I am getting there but it still hurts .....