Today would have been our 33rd wedding anniversary and I'm feeling quite low again :-( I'm scared I'm about to go into another decline - I'm tearful again and feeling alone.
So what has happened since I last wrote ?
I have finished the play I mentioned in my previous post and so enjoyed the part - I just would have liked a week or two more rehearsal as I felt I was really getting into the part by the second to last performance. I'd love the opportunity to do it again.
I've tried the dating sites again and have chatted and met with a few guys but nothing seems to feel right. Most of them have not gone beyond a chat which fizzled out. One I met was 10 years older than he said he was. A very nice man but no spark for me. There was one guy who I really enjoyed meeting and talking to but he today has said he's realised that what he wants is to not have any other women in his life but rather nurture his relationship with his ex whom he is still best friends with. Another I met with last Sunday I've not heard back from. What I have realise is that the time is still not right for me ......
I have felt very let down by some of my close friends recently and again feel the pain of being single.
I seemed to be on the up and getting better but now I feel that I am taking some huge steps back.
I'm enjoying the radio show but we are about to move studio and have a break so I'll have a rest and a gap for a while.
I've booked myself a holiday to Burma at the end of the year - at least something to look forward to.
Work is ..... well...... sigh........ I don't feel that I am being given work appropriate for my grade and capability and am so bored. I flip flop between feeling like I am undervalued and wanting to work on something more to feeling like I have spent the last 36 years at the company working very hard with many long hours and so just let it wash over me and slowly ease out of the organisation.
I'm also unsure about what I will do after being made redundant - I'm scared that I will be unable to manage on the reduced money but have loads of ideas about what I might do. I'm both excited and scared and I have no one to talk to or share this with - I hate having to do this all alone :-(
I'm thankful that my daughters are still living with me, I don't know what I would do if I was alone......
