So its Easter weekend and I've been reflecting on the things I enjoy and how I have a totally muddled mind on what I want to do. My life has changed enormously over the last four years and I feel that there are going to be more changes this year.
I've finally paid off the last payment of the divorce settlement. I am now planning to try and get the rest of the debts left to me to pay off by the end of this year.
The online dating is total rubbish - I am obviously doing something wrong or my photos are not attractive enough.....
I have expressed an interest in redundancy at work. In September I will have been there for 37 years. I don't know if it is due to the other changes in my life or because everyone gets to this point at my age, but I now find that I cannot get excited about much at work anymore. Everything just seems like more of the same, revision of wheels from over the years and very petty sad decisions and policies being made. I understand it is a business but I now feel like I don't belong there any more. I'll find out towards the end of April whether I will get redundancy. I'm sad that I feel this way as I've had so many brilliant opportunities over the years and met and worked with lots of great people. I've learnt loads.
I'm also sadly not really enjoying the theatre group so much any more for similar reasons. I feel sad about this as being there and with folk has helped me over the last few years. But again it is not the same. Whist I understand change has to happen and I usually embrace it - again I'm beginning to feel like I don't belong there anymore :-(
So what do I want ? This is where I can't settle on anything - there is so much I could do and would interest me but I can't figure out which is the right thing for me.....
I know I am really enjoying presenting on the radio and helping behind the scenes. I am learning loads and getting lots of lovely feedback. I guess it makes me feel wanted and I am enjoying the learning and doing something different.
I know I enjoy being out in the countryside, woods etc. being close to nature, out in the sun, taking photos of beautiful things. I've got to try and incorporate that more.
I know I enjoy learning things and want to do more around healthy living and using natural products (herbs, aromatherapy, foods etc.).
I know that I enjoy helping coach and teach people, especially young people - I'm currently mentoring a student on their science project - and really enjoy doing that - again I guess I feel wanted.
I know I'd like to do more with the Pyschology I have studied. A friend has pointed me to a PhD that sounds really interesting - but do I want to study again for a number of years ? It would be cool to be a Dr though :-)
I know I want to travel - there are so many places I want to go to.
I still love dancing and creating new things. I love going to the theatre, especially immersive theatre.
I know I love parties with friends.
I'm sad that I don't have a companion that enjoys, has time or money to do all these things with me. I'm lucky that I have two beautiful daughters and love their company - but they have their own lives and future to plan, so can't expect too much from them.
So my challenge is how do I get all of these things together and plan a path for the future ?? Any ideas anyone ?
