Well here we are four years and almost three months later and I find myself starting to go on a downwards spiral. It seems I am now even more lonely than before :-( Sadly everyone else has moved on and I'm still stuck. I can see now why people who seem to have recovered from something would suddenly out of the blue commit suicide. Every one gathers around. To be there for you when it first happens but recovery takes so much longer and I'm guessing it becomes too much for most friends to hang in there. Being a singleton seems to immediately make you difficult to fit in with couples.
Work has got worse - I have very little to do and despite asking over and over again for some projects/work and making my management aware I am twiddling thumbs nothing is coming my way. I am so bored...... Whilst I understand that we are going through a reorganisation and have to wait for the announcement ( next Thursday) it seems nuts that some folk are sooo busy and others are not. I feel so guilty not having anything to do. I have a gut feel that I am going to be made redundant. And while I think that is what I want I am beginning to worry about becoming a complete recluse with no real friends.
I'm loving the radio programme that I am now doing on my own, but it is very much a solitary thing.
On the whole I feel unwanted and stuck again :-(
I love my daughters dearly and they treated me on Mother's Day this weekend which was lovely. My youngest who is at university in London is planning to come and live at home for her second year. I'm looking forward to that.
