A couple of weeks ago we discovered that my husband's mum has terminal cancer with a tumour in the lung and two on the brain. It is so sad as she is only 67 - the same age my mum died :-( Feels a bit like dejavu.. I went to visit her and whilst she is able to move around she is finding it difficult to find teh words to speak. We need to wait to see what the oncologist says before we have any idea of whether they will treat her at all (if she wants it - at the moment she seems not to) and how long they think she has. Its very sad for all the family - I've known her since I was 19 and she has been so good to me (as has my younger sister in law) since my husband left. She made a point of telling me that I was still family and should stay in touch. She doesn't agree with what my husband has done and to date has only met the manipulating ***** once.
I asked myself recently whether I would have my husband back and for the first time the answer was 'I don't know anymore' . Since I have lost weight I feel I have a little more confidence especially with the lovely comments I keep getting. Last week I performed in my theatre groups play and had a very fitted dress as my costume. Everyone who came to see it made comment about how great I looked - apart from my husband ! He came to see the show but made no comment on my appearance. I still find it difficult to talk to him in public. Whilst I still think I love him - it has changed. Does this mean I am moving on at last ?
The divorce seems to have stalled at the moment. I did visit the solicitor to get things moving and am now waiting in my husbands financial details - though he asked to come and talk him through it so I've already sort of seen it.
I still have no holiday booked :-( I suspect I will find myself having to squeeze something in somehow at some point. Probably end up taking time off just to sort things out in the house. I have booked a weekend away to visit my friends in Spain end of June - so something to look forward to.
I had a bit of an upset at work last week as there is a reorganisation in progress (again!). My manager discussed where she was planning to place me in the new org which was a layer down in the hierarchy. That upset me especially as I'd had a discussion with her the previous week to say that since I worked on the Olympics I feel like I have been overlooked. She assured my I had not and that the strategic programme I was working on was recognised as being highly complex. She said she expected our conversation to be difficult - so I wonder if she thought I would just be accepting ? Well I wasn't and said I was disappointed and demotivated. To give her credit she has since looked for other opportunities for me. Both however mean moving to another manager - that would be six in two years! Both roles are new (one to be determined if it will be created still) giving me lots of opportunity to create which I love. However one of the jobs would be reporting to a manager in West London. I don't want to have to be based there or have to travel there daily so not sure about it. But it would take me a layer up in the organisation. Decisions decisions - I hate this one in particular as if I go for this role I probably will have to stop some of my theatre activities. The theatre group are very important to me and have helped me (mostly) through the last two years, so I am reluctant to lose that. I'm going to have to decide soon.... sigh....
I found some more people recently who didn't know about my husband leaving me - when will that stop?
Its a year for weddings with two in September and one in November - sad thing is I'll be on my own....
I do hope we continue to get the sunshine and warmer weather as it makes me happier.
